4 IV FOUR EMPAT

4, IV, Four, Empat years ago, I married a beautiful lady at the tender age of 24. Of course getting married young, people had a lot of things to say…

4, IV, Four, Empat Things People Thought About My Decision:

                     i.         Why so early? Can wait sum more ma…

                   ii.         Ha…? Shotgun? (Had to make sure Ju Li maintained her weight (and me on diet just in case they see wrongly) less to create more suspicion… and now.. 4 years down… when I tell people I got married at 24, I have to make sure I also tell them, “I also have a daughter born 2 YEARS LATER”)

                  iii.         Gatal… Tak boleh tahan ar?

                 iv.         Still got so many choices ma…

But that decision to marry my college sweetheart, my one and only true love (any previous gf’s less than 1 yr not counted) has been one decision that I have not regretted and I am so glad we decided to get married then. In any case, by then, we have already been friends for 2 years and dated for 4 years… Wanna wait for what sum more? So why did I married JL (my wife)…

4, IV, Four, Empat Reason I Married JL:

                  i.            She loves KIDS as much as I did

                ii.            She was my anchor, my stabilizer, my Xanax and my island of solace

               iii.            She wasn’t a workaholic who spent more time in office than home (women I fear the most)

              iv.            She loved me

Through the 4, IV, Four Empat years together, we’ve gone through ups and downs but the best part of the journey to me has been always learning from each other. We definitely come from 2 very different family backgrounds and of course those shape who we are today. My family was very routine focused while hers was more laid back and bonding focused. So while my family always had everything planned out in advance, her family sits back and is able to converse with each other for hours. So when she married me, I was all about getting home, settle dinner, wash the plates, bath, watch TV and sleep and she was left feeling emptiness in the relationship and wondering – What happen to conversation? Dinner was just about finishing up. Sitting down in the couch was just about watching TV. Lying down on the bed was just about sleeping. To me, that was life. But to her, that was definitely not life. And through the years, I have to learn to converse with her more, which was something that didn’t come easy but refreshing in the end.

4, IV, Four, Empat Things I’ve Learned From JL:

               i.      There’s more to consider than being super duper PRE-punctual – I use to get irritated (and sometimes still do) when we’re like sharp sharp on time for something. But through the years, as much as PRE-punctuality is still important, I have to consider other aspects (i.e. if we reach super early for a wedding, baby would have to endure through the delay and in the end, nobody’s going to be happy, our own fatigue and there’s no point in reaching there early and not being able to enjoy ).

             ii.      “Put the sponge down and come spend time with us!” – Making sure the plates are washed immediately is not as important as spending the time to first bond with both baby and mummy. My schema of eating – bring the plates to the sink – wash it had to be reconstructed. I’m really glad that JL has brought about much more perspective to what is important. “Plates can wait. We can wash them later. Spending time now before she sleeps is more important.”

            iii.      My values are not always right. This is something that I have learned and have to be constantly remind myself.

           iv.      Eat fish. Eat healthy. My staple food before I met her was Maggie mee & fatty pork.

4, IV, Four, Empat Things JL Has Learned from Me (I think):

            i.         Expand food choices – she now loves Si Ham & have learned how to suck Balitong.

          ii.         Increase risk appetite – she can go on manageable roller coaster rides, drive a new car fresh from the showroom, snorkel and canoe far off to the ocean.

         iii.         Swim – even though she told me that she has a “crooked backbone” which causes her to not to be able to float in water (which was a lie but I took it as a fact and I have successfully thought her how to swim – so for swimming lesson (even if you’ve got a physical problem that causes you to sink in water), contact Master Swimmer Chan).

        iv.         Cleanliness is not everything. Sometimes can close one eye. So sometimes when I wash the rice 4x instead of 5x, can close one eye a bit  :P

Looking back at our differences and how we have adapted together really puts a smile on my face. That’s to me is the true meaning of love and being together. Sure she’s kind, loving, understanding and all… but with these new found maturity in our relationship to learn to understand where we come from and change and adapt… to me… that’s beauty. It was definitely not easy, a journey infused with arguments (as we’re both quite hard headed – 1^st child syndrome), nights where I just ignored and slept while she’s left still fuming over our conflict, but in the end, the journey has been worthwhile. A true value of a great sword is one which has been immerse in fire and tested in battles. Don’t get me wrong that our married life is only filled with conflict. Our married life definitely has more enjoyable moments than conflict but relationships will be tested and year after year as we mature together, I treasure and love her even more. The experiences that we’ve been through, both good and bad becomes the very foundation that we build our relationship on.

To my beloved wife, I love you very much and love you even more as the years go by. Sorry for the times I’ve hurt you with my insensitivities. Thank you for being the anchor that I can rely on. I look forward to both calm seas and rough tsunamis that we would go through and in which through each experience, we come out stronger in the love we have for each other. I love you very much!