GOING GREEN – WITH YOUR CAR – WITHOUT CAUSING YOU A BOMB

In this day and age, going green has become something really important that we all should strive too to preserve our mother earth.

But the one irony with going green these days is that it causes you to pay so much more in order to go green. For example, solar system – super expensive, getting a hybrid car-super expensive, battery in a hybrid car – super expensive… Shouldn’t it be that any initiative to go green should involve less cost?

So, in my effort to go green, I have discovered a way to go green (with your car) without even spending a single cent, without involving a single drop of sweat and by literally doing nothing.

The best way to go green with your car is…

TO NEVER WASH YOUR CAR!

And these are some of the reasons why by not washing your car, you become an elite master GREEN ambassador (it also puts to rest my Mum’s persistent request to wash the cars every week :P).

By not washing your car…

1.          You are able to save on paying a couple of thousand to tint your windows. The dust collected on your windows can act as a natural tint, blocking out the sun light and UV rays. On top of that, the dust is able to reduce the amount of heat that penetrates through the car and expunges heat when entered – you know, the same concept with wearing a white shirt-more cooling, black shirt-more hot. So the question that begs to be answered is… Why then do people tint their car as BLACK/DARK as possible when anything BLACK/DARK traps heat? Semua herd mentality kena tipu. Anyways, what’s more, you will never ever get fined by our beloved kopi drinking policemen.

2.          Next up, by not washing your car, you are able to further improve your braking system. Apart from the pre-installed drum brake, electromagnetic brake, disc brake and slip-disc brakes, the dust particles (both big and small) would be able to further enhance your braking system by causing friction with the air. Remember those days when a huge parachute would open up behind a speeding car to stop the car, dust can function exactly the same way. So more dust = more efficient braking.

3.          Apart from the external benefits of not washing your car, let’s not forget also the internal bit. For one, by not washing the inside of your car, you further contribute to the preservation of the eco-system. In today’s world where we continually encroach the living spaces of animals, we need to restore the balance by providing living spaces anywhere possible. For those that are not as educated, by not washing the inside of your car, cockroaches and other bugs began to populate in the car. This is a great responsibility that needs to be taken by each one of us to ensure that our children and grandchildren have a balance eco-system to live in. And in case you still doubt the effort of enabling animals/bugs/insects to co-habitat with you, please read the quotes below.

Our task must be to free ourselves... by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature and its beauty. (Albert Einstein)

The greatness of a nation and its moral progress can be judged by the way its animals are treated. (Mohandas Gandhi)

If you have men who will exclude any of God's creatures from the shelter of compassion and pity, you will have men who will deal likewise with their fellow men. (St. Francis of Assisi)

Until one has loved an animal, a part of one's soul remains unawakened. (Anatole France)

4.          Another benefit that you would be able to reap by not washing the internal part of your car is that your car will never smell of dog/cat shit when you or any of your passenger accidentally steps on shit. Better than Febreeze, Ambi Pur, Glades is SAND. The sand that is collected from the months/years of not washing your car is able to popiah-wrap the shit that anyone steps into and immediately stops the smell from spreading. Tell me if Febreeze, Ambi Pur or Glades can change the smell of dog/cat shit when sprayed upon directly. Nothing works better than sand.

5.          Finally, if you ever wash your car, you are absolutely contributing to the pollution of mother earth. All the dust/dirt that you washed off your car gets flown down the drain to the ocean where our poor dolphins would be engulfed by them and die instantly. All the soap used to wash the car gets flown down the road to the lake by your house and kills all living things in the pond/lake. See Bukit Jalil lake, Subang Lake and Lake Garden… all filthy and poisonous from the soap from your car wash. Also let’s not forget the water that we so lavishly use to wash our cars and deny the same water to the children in Africa who are dying of drought. Remember, we all live in 1 world where we all share the water source. So by taking more here, there would be less there.

Now that you have all the benefits of not washing your car and GOING GREEN, spread the word around and be a true GREEN AMBASSADOR today by saying NO TO WASHING YOUR CAR!!!

BERSIH 3.0: REQUIRED PREPARATION

Just in case you were attending the Bersih 3.0 rally on 28 April 2012, this video should be of some help... :)

WORK - The GOING BACK ON TIME CONTROVERSY

Ok.. before I say anything further, I have no intention of bitching about anybody in this post nor am I trying to pick a fight… It’s all done in the name of creativity and for me to survive with brilliant comments to reply the next time someone tell me… “Wah… going back so early ar…?”

For the past couple of weeks (like 2 weeks), I have been able to take off from work ON TIME (the keyword here is ON TIME and not EARLY). As I have to pass a set of colleagues before heading out the exit door, they have cheekily made sure to always say “Wah… going back so early ar…?” I of course have provided various replies to counter the comments but I have been repeating some of the replies which I do not think is now sufficient to counter the taunting. So while showering a couple minutes ago, I thought, “Hey… I gotta make a list of replies so the next time they ever taunt me again… I’m gonna have a brilliant reply for them”. For the record I still love my colleagues and this is all done in the name of fun. Who can outsmart the other? So here goes…

20 THINGS TO SAY WHEN YOU LEAVE ON TIME FROM WORK AND SOMEBODY TELLS YOU “WAH… GOING BACK SO EARLY AR…?”

1.       “I am just being compliant to my contract which stipulates that my working hours from Mon-Thu should be from 8:45am – 5:45pm and on Fridays 8:45am – 4:45pm. Don’t let me lodge a report to HR on you for breaching your HR contract!”

2.       “Such INEFFICIENCIES!!! The company should FIRE you!!!

3.       “Stop wasting company resources. They shut the air-condition at 6pm for a reason… the lights are to follow suit”

4.       If they come in late the next morning… say at the top of your voice… “Wah…. LATE AGAIN AR…? Contract say what time ooo…?”

5.       “I’ve got a family”

6.       “Just in case you didn’t know… there’s this thing called a LIFE outside the office”

7.       “And just in case you also didn’t know… apart from the moon, there’s also such a thing called the sun”

8.       “Stop pretending to work. Boss already went back”

9.       “Whose shoe you trying to shine?”

10.   “Didn’t know you married your computer. Congratulations! When would you be having kids?”

11.   “What? You still haven’t finish your work ar?”

12.   “It’s a good thing the company has a life insurance for you. That’ll be the best thing  your parents would get ever since you join the company”

13.   “Eh… Was just wondering… Does your children call you mummy or do they call the maid that?”

14.   “Didn’t know you intended to end your life so soon”

15.   “You think your husband/wife is having an affair right now?”

16.   “Your brains have been working pretty slow this past month ar…? You think you need to re-take the IQ test?”

17.   “Age must be catching up… Your motor skills seems to be deteriorating… Arthritis maybe?”

18.   “Didn’t know boss made you the timekeeper. Keep up the good work”

19.   “Only clerks get paid OT… you get paid OT too...?”

20.   “Hey… we’re going for a drink… Continue working k…”

PEACE.

THE ULTIMATE MLKIEBAN DIET PLAN

There are definitely plenty of slimming centres booming all around Malaysia these days and like dungus sitting by the roadside, people pay a bomb for the fake sense of actually reducing weight. I had a friend who actually signed up for a weight loss program and when after a few round of sessions, she wasn’t losing any weight, the reputable centre told her, “Dear miss, we will need to stop your sessions for the time being until you lose some weight”… Huh??!?!?!?!?!? You pay a bomb only to be told that diet and lose weight first then come back to us. I can’t never understand why people pay so much and this dungu-ness is even more apparent with hair loss centres. Why would someone pay some amateur (in comparison to full fledged specialist) thousands while they could have paid a lot less to see a proper skin specialist who would do a much better job in diagnosing and prescribing you the right medication???

So instead of paying millions to half baked centres to lose weight and look slimmer, allow me to share with you the ultimate diet plan which cost you nothing and works like magic… it’s called the MilkieBan Diet Plan. This would be the second time I’m going through my MilkieBan Diet Plan. The last time I followed the routine, I lost 15 kg in 2 months plus… I’m not kidding… and my friends and family would be able to swear to this.

This time around, I intend to lose 10kg in the span of 2 months.

THE STATS

Today’s date: 20 March 2012

Current Weight: 85kg

Target Weight: 75kg

Target Completion Date: 20 May 2012

BEFORE:

THE PLAN

Meal	Mon	Tue	Wed	Thu	Fri	Sat	Sun
Breakfast	I don’t normally take breakfast
Lunch	Normal	Normal	Normal	Normal	Normal	MilkieBan	Normal
Dinner	Normal	MilkieBan	Normal	MilkieBan	Normal	Normal	Normal
Supper	No supper

* As you can see, with a mere 3x a week of the MilkieBan Diet meal, I believe I would be able to achieve my targeted weight loss.

PROGRESS CHART

WHAT IS THE MILKIEBAN DIET

The MilkieBan diet is a simple combination of Milk and Banana as a substitute for a meal. What I use to do was to blend 3-4 bananas in milk and gulp it down during the selected meals and when I got lazy, I’ll just have 3-4 bananas and drink a cup of milk thereafter. It is that simple.

So now, all there is to do is to do. Would definitely give a monthly update of my progress. In the meantime, you can definitely hold on to any intention you have to sign up for some dungu diet plan in some centres.

Stay tune.

p/s - Why am I doing this?

MY MEDICAL CHECK UP IS DUE!!!

EXERCISE – MYTHS AND TRUTHS

Many people today are obsessed with exercising to ensure a healthy lifestyle. People sign up for fitness centres, ensure a certain form of exercise is carried out at certain period of time – i.e. evening walks, swimming on the weekends, cycling once every fortnightly, etc. Of course my parents and friends are somewhat also concern with the amount of exercise I do everyday/weekly, so questions like, “Have you been exercising?”, “When was the last time you went to a gym?”, “Ha..? You never join a gym ar?”, “Follow your brother to the gym la”and “Exercise helps lower your cholesterol and blood pressure”.

Just to digress a little, life can be rather confusing t times. During my schooling years, scoring high scores in everything was always rewarded. But now all of a sudden in my adult life, high scores are frowned upon… “Aiyoo.. you better watch your cholesterol scores / your blood pressure score”. What happened to “Good job for scoring such a high score in your cholesterol/blood pressure results!!!” or “Next time you can try to get a higher score”.

In any case, I personally believe that hitting the gyms and having a routine like evening walks n cycling etc are nothing more than a gimmick 1. By fitness centres to rake in more money, creating a less productive working environment by constantly distracting you with the thought of working out after work and 2. By the community itself to feed its lustful needs staring at the fat aunty in tights and the half naked sagging uncle running around the neighborhood. Besides, my hamster (which I once had) runs on the mill everyday and died a month later.

Anyways, what a lot of people don’t realize is I carry out an exercise routine similar to that of an Olympic. My entire day everyday  is a participation in various Olympic events. You don’t need to be less productive at work and be caught with lustful stress if you carry out the same routine I do everyday.

1. WARMING UP

First thing before carrying out any strenuous exercise is to warm up. I perform my warm up routine the moment my alarm ring by doing sit ups. I do about 2-3 sit ups depending on how sleepy I am on that particularly morning. 1^st sit up is my attempt to wake up, if I’m really sleepy, I’ll lie back down and sleep for another 5 minutes before performing my next sit up to attempt to get up again. It’s really advisable that you do not perform more than 5 sit ups per morning as this could lead to complications when you arrive at your office from your boss particularly.

2. DIVING

Next up is diving. Every morning, I sit on my white throne and try to perform a 10/10 dive with the least amount of water splashing up. On days I’ve had a lot to eat the night before, I generally score about  5/10 – 7/10. On days when I’ve drank apple cider with physillium husk (some high fibre stuff), I can achieve a 10/10. On days I’ve got food poisoning, it’s a 1/10 or I get disqualified for too much splatter.

3. SWIMMING

Naturally since I’m already in the water event section, my next event would be swimming. Mix stroke swimming to be exact. It’s the butterfly stroke at first with me crashing through the waters. Then it’s the breast stroke cupping as much soap available and placing the hands back at my chest and finally, the freestyle towards the end of the pool.

4. SHOOTING

With the largest bullet available, in the shape of a national car, I take aim and pray to God I hit my mark. Bang!!! And off the bullet swishes through the air, whizzing across my other opponents bullets most of the time stranded mid-air (to pay for toll) and to wait in line for the nearest possible turn to shoot off once again, I definitely ace this every morning. Hitting my mark every time. Only question is whether I hit my mark on time or not.

5. MARATHON, WRESTLING, FENCING, TAI CHI, FOOTBALL

Then all of a sudden, my day becomes crazy with me participating in multiple events one after another of simultaneously. A marathon through the day, wrestling at my opponents to achieve my goal/gold, fencing off unwanted off competitors, tai chi-ing unwanted chi/work that comes a long and kicking balls the entire day.

6. WEIGHT LIFTING

Coming to the close of the day, I return home to participate in the weight lifting event. Currently my record weight is about 10kg. But it doesn’t just stop at 10kg. As the days passes, the weight increases and increases to no end.

7. ICE SLED

My closing event of the day would definitely be my participation in the winter Olympics Ice Sledding. Unlike the original event that lasts only about a couple of minute, I perform this event for a solid 8 hours through the night. I lie down, close my eyes and pray I don’t fall off and off I go. Turn left, turn right, turn left, turn right, face down, face up, face down, arms up, arms down, curl up, uncurl… 8 whole hours….

After this sharing, I’m more than confident that no one can be pestering me ever again to hit the gym or to exercise more. So much more calorie burning, strenuous and less sinful.

A STRANGE CULTURE CALLED CHINESE

I’m BACK! After disappearing for close to 3 weeks due to super hectic work schedule I’m back. And what better time to start writing again as we’re all still all soaked with the Chinese New Year spirit.

As we are celebrating CNY with overloading ourselves with scrumptious food and being immerse in the whole mood of festivities, I couldn’t help but to wonder about the interesting practices that we the Chinese people do especially during this time of festivities. I for one already believe that we the Chinese people have a tendency to self destruct ourselves by placing upon ourselves super high expectations (Case in Point: Wedding – we spend so much on a one day event; i.e. the hantaran, the restaurant, the clothes, the photos, the drinks etc; as compared to the people of the other races, Indians, Malay, Ang Mohs – we literally kill ourselves expecting that the normal Chinese wedding should consist all of the above making it super hard to even get married as a Chinese).

Anyways, back to CNY, here are some strange practices that got me thinking:

1. Prawns

Prawns are sort of a must have dish during CNY. The believe is that it’s suppose to add happiness during the CNYmeals due to what’s it is called in Chinese – “Ha”. So the “Ha” is suppose to create more “Hahaha’s” as in laughing and thus happiness. With increase demand and reduced supply during CNY, the prices of pranws skyrockets and the only person I think is really HAHAHA-ing over the “Ha” is the seller themselves while we the Chinese suckers keep telling ourselves, this is gonna make my reunion a happier one.

2. The Kitchen God and Alzheimer’s

Nin-Ko is another favorite item during CNY. It is believed that the Kitchen God during CNY return to the kingdom above and report to Mr. Almighty the bad deeds that you have done. So to stop the Kitchen God from reporting anything bad, the sticky Nin-Ko is served to him before CNY so his mouth would get all stuck up and he’s not able to report anything.

There’s 2 strange things about this scenario. 1. The Chinese people do this every year for the longest time and every year the Kitchen God falls into the same trap and eats the Nin-Ko and then fails to report anything to Mr. Almighty. I can only conclude that the Kitchen God suffers from Alzheimer’s and would require to seek medical attention. 2. It would be a really interesting sight to behold when millions of Kitchen Gods from the various households stand in front of Mr. Almighty with their mouths stuck with Nin-Ko. What would Mr. Almighty say then?

3. Pubic Hair Anyone?

Another must have dish during CNY is “Fatt Choy” that looks like a compilation of pubic hair from a thousand people served with taufu or other vegetable. And the Chinese go crazy over this pubic hair because of it’s name – “Fatt” – which means Prosperity. So if one day, I start selling my mucus and call it “Fatt Chui” – Prosperous water – it’ll be the next hot selling item during CNY.

4. Feng Shui

How can we ever forget about Feng Shui. Every Chinese would want to ensure the best feng shui during CNY. Everything red, furnitures must be arranged accordingly, going back to work on the right date, the right colored clothes during CNY etc. So one of my gung-ho colleague checked out my work place feng shui and apparently the direction where I am facing is really bad feng shui and the right direction should be the other way. Big problem there. Don’t think my boss would be very happy with me if I change the direction where I am facing.

 

BAD FENG SHUI

GOOD FENG SHUI

5. Mandarin Oranges

I mention earlier that we the Chinese people have this tendency to self-destruct and I’ll just end this post with Mandarin Oranges. Mandarin Oranges is a must have during CNY and we eat like loads of them during this time. But the problem with Mandarin Oranges is this – it causes CONSTIPATION. So... we binge and binge during CNY and instead of eating food that helps us poop the next day we binge again on Mandarin Oranges that constipates us. In the end, we end up being bloated, unable to poop and might as well put on a countdown timer on ourselves to see when we would explode.  

I know after this, I’m going to get bashed for being very Un-Chinese so before I end, the disclaimer:

The thoughts expressed above are strictly of personal view and in no way meant to offend any practitioner and believer. In the event the above post offended anyone in any way, kindly refrain from reading and if you have, the owner of the blog is not liable for your lack of self-control. Peace.

PENANG SUPERB CREATIONS

We all LOVE Penang! And that’s not an overstatement. Ask anybody on the street their best local holiday destination and most of the time, you’re going to hear them say “PENANG”. “How come?” some might ask. Plain and simple, Penang has everything – food, malls, beautiful beaches, hills, parks, historical sites, technology, transportation, local chicks, local hunks, expatriates chicks, expatriates hunks,  cool uncles/aunties, etc. Don’t believe…? Let’s try out some “touristy” spot in Malaysia. Ipoh – all you get is steamed chicken and coffee throughout your stay. Try eating chicken and drinking coffee for 4 days in a row. Melaka – no doubt they have interesting nyonya cuisines but it’s missing the beach (ppl have told me Melaka has a beach but in my 27 yrs, I have not once visited the beach although geographically there should be a beach – so… if it exist, it’s probably way deep in some corner, if not.. they probably reclaim so much of their land that the sea just disappeared). Kelantan/Teregganu – you’ll be popping Immodium pills to constipate yourself throughout the trip in fear of not finding a toilet and having to poop in the jungle. Johor – let’s not even go here, the moment you reach Johor, you’re either mugged, kidnapped, extorted or your car gets jacked. Ok.. all of that was just mean… they are all wonderful places anyhow… but Penang is still the best.

But what I was going to write here is, apart from Penang being well known for all of the food, beaches and hunks (like the owner of the blog), one thing that people don’t realize is that Penang is also a place where unique / famous DRINKS are created.

1. TEH PENG

We are all too familiar with this drink. If an award was to be given for the “Drink Most Ordered In Malaysia”, it would have to be TEH PENG.

But why would I claim that TEH PENG hails from Penang?

ONE CONCRETE REASON: TEH PENG is Hokkien and you would always order TEH PENG in its original language (apart from Mamaks). You won’t order TEH PENG as “SHUIT NAI CHA” (Cantonese) or “PING NAI CHA” (Mandarin). We would always order it as TEH PENG.

But then, some people might argue that Johor people also speak Hokkien too. But the problem with the people in Johor is that they are so pre-occupied with their personal, family, friends and lovers safety everyday 24-7 that they are incapable to creating anything. This is definitely in accordance with Maslow’s Hierarchy of Need.

2. ALMOND DRINK

Ok, this is something that not many people are familiar with but I was drinking Almond since I was in primary school… petty much 15+ years ago. Totally forgot about this drink until in one of our visit back to Penang, I chanced upon another person ordering it and remembered how I used to love it.

Almond drink is probably available in abundance in Penang (you can literally order it from any chap-chap stall) and you pretty much don’t find it available elsewhere in around Malaysia.

So hence, Almond Drink originates from Penang.

Almond drink is served from powdered almonds and can be drank cold or hot. I personally think it taste a lot better hot so that the taste of almond does not become diluted (the Almond Drink is superly sensitive to ice as having ice in it really makes it taste bland). Drinking it hot is very much like having a hot cup of chocolate down your esophagus… very comforting.

But of course if you’re not a fan of almonds, then this would not be your favorite drink.

Also to note, many shops would not understand if you tell the order taker “Almond Drink”, you’ll have to order it in it’s original Hokkien dialect which is “Hen Jin” (if I got that right). If not, just google up pictures to show when ordering.

3. NUTMEG JUICE

Nutmeg is definitely a Penang creation. 20 over years ago when my friends from other part of Malaysia was still using Minyak Angin Cap Kapak, Penangnites have already advanced further into using a less offensive smelling and a lot more comforting ointment known simply as Nutmeg Oil. Nutmeg Oil was originally used (just like Minyak Angin Cap Kapak) to soothe stomach discomfort, headaches and muscle aches. But unlike the Minyak Angin Cap Kapak, Nutmeg Oil emitted a sweet smelling odour when applied and could have been used as a deodorant; unlike the Minyak Angin Cap Kapak where when applied, the image of an old uncle/aunty comes into mind and no matter how young you might have been, chicks/hunks would be 100 feet away from you. Don’t believe…? Try going to club with Minyak Angin Cap Kapak. The bouncers would probably tell you, “Uncle, Club De Vegas is down the road. This is Zouk”. 

Anyways, Nutmeg Oil has evolved and today, Penangnites enjoy a drink no other state is able to provide – THE NUTMEG JUICE. Made from the freshest extracts of a nutmeg, the juice is as sweet smelling as the ointment is and puts you in a whole different class when it’s drunk.

To further enhance the taste of the brownish colored drink, some chap-chap stalls have added asam boi into the drink. I however still love it in it’s original taste – nutmeg only.

HOW TO WARM A CHICKEN IN A HOTEL ROOM