DIARRHEA… the one word I can never spell it right (unless of course if I’m on MS Word). Other acceptable spelling to me are diarhea, diahrhea, dyerhea, diearia. Honestly, it should have been appropriately spelt as DIEREAR – death at the rear.
So, yes I was down with pretty bad DIARRHEA for the past 3 days. This is one time in my life when my dream of being part of the Autobot comes true… I was literally transformed into a Karcher Power Washer/Hose.
High powered liquid is shot out of my ass and if I ever point my ass at the dirtiest molded wall there is, it’ll definitely turn into one heck of a sparkling white wall (apart from the brownish yellowish marks from you know what).
The sequence of my very diahrrhea-ful 3 days began on Saturday early morning (3am) when I felt like puking but nothing came out even though after forcing it bulimically. Saturday morning shopping and then a friends full moon lunch followed. In the afternoon, felt the same vomitty feeling so decided to try to vomit it out again and this time manage to dig out some but I knew it wasn’t the end of it. Nothing much for the rest of Saturday and Sunday except for the same nauseatic feeling. Come Monday morning at 6:45am when I woke up to get ready for work… AUTOBOTS… TRANSFORM!!!!
So from Monday – Wednesday, the toilet was my second home and my house sounded like we lived beside a waterfall. After 2 days of MC, 6 DVDs, and tones of toilet paper… I think there are a few things I could be thankful for. In darkness, there’s always a ray of light, no matter how thin.
So… I’m thankful that…
1. I don’t have to pay RM0.20 everytime I visit the toilet… I would be pretty poor after the whole ordeal.
2. I have 3 toilets in the house in which I am able to spread the fragrance around the three toilets and not cause my wife and daughter to faint when they visit the toilet (although I never used the third toilet as it is located at the lower floor and I don’t think I’ll ever make it there in time… so in actual fact… 2 toilets to rotate around).
3. My daughter is sleeping in her own bed and that means there’s more space now between me and my wife in which my super smelly farts under the sheet would take a longer time to travel to the nearest victim and because my wife is able to sleep so much better now, there’s only a slim chance she’ll notice I farted.
4. My toilet bowls are the sitting type. Imagine spraying a high power washer at a squatting toilet and the distance between your ass and the base of the bowl is nothing more than 5cm from the base… Got a bit of a cleaning to do there… after.
5. I had an extra Glade’s fragrant in the drawer.
6. I’m still 28 years old. If I’ve been 70+, the number of times I make it in time to the toilet would be significantly reduced.
7. There are worst smells than overnight milk that I wash everyday.
8. Through my excretions, my stomach is a grimmer version of a rainbow but a rainbow nonetheless (light green, grey, yellow, dark brown, black, dark green, light brown).
9. I have clean water (as oppose to diarrhea water).
10. There’s a company called Indah Water. I shall now pay my Indah Water bills on time.
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