Death was always an easy process for me right until last Wednesday when my Uncle K. (U.K.) passed on. Before this, my grandmother and grandfather (from both side) pass on but I didn’t really feel much, probably I was still young. Another grand uncle passed on and that too didn’t move much emotion in me. But when U.K. passed away on Thursday, I was overwhelmed by a huge sense of sadness. Not only that, it then struck me at that point of time that one by one, as our family continue to age with no one having found the elixir of life yet, that one by one they would all pass on, one by one, they would all fall like bowling pins and one day of course, it will be my turn. The passing of U.K. is only the beginning. Death would come knocking very soon again and sadness would grip us over and over again. But death is not all there is nor should we just wait for death to knock on our doors, it put a lot of perspective back into my life, into appreciating the loved ones around and making time to connect and treasure each and every family member. Life is truly short.
What happened was on Wednesday, he was rushed to Sunway Hospital at about 4pm. He had undergone a surgery to remove his cancer infected areas about a month ago. On Wednesday morning, the Dr. was happy with his state of recovery. On Wednesday afternoon, the story was while in the toilet, he pushed too hard and ruptured his wound which then caused him to bloat in the stomach area. I receive a call from my aunty (A.T.) at 7pm asking for my mother (she’s been trying to call my mother but to no avail). I knew at that moment something serious must have happened for her to urgently look for my mum (My mum was helping her take care of U.K.). Told my mum and brothers to keep me updated.
On that night, we (my wife and I) proceed with our initial plan of dinner and movie at 9pm. At 8:55pm, right when we entered the cinema to sit down, I got a msg from my brother telling me to come to the hospital as U.K. was in ICU and they were expecting the worse. At that point of time, I couldn’t make up what worse meant. I mean sure the worse is death but how often really that death would really happen. People tell you expect the worse but somehow things always get better and to me, things always get better. A friend was warded in ICU a long time ago and he got better. People come in and out of ICU and I thought at that point of time that it can’t be that serious. I saw him after the operation and he was doing great. The feeling of “things will get better” of course was mix together with a sense of worry and a lost of words to describe a mixture of sadness and the unknown gravity of the condition.
When my wife and I arrived in the ICU, A.T (the wife) was there together with her son and I knew at once that things were really serious. I was told U.K.’s blood pressure dip really low and they nearly lost him. The anesthesian came by the waiting room to tell us that U.K. was in a very difficult condition. They have pumped all the drugs available at the maximum level just to bring his BP up and was now hovering at 60/50 now. He added that there’s a huge chance U.K. would not make it once they put him on anesthesia. My heart dropped. This really cannot be happening.
They proceeded with the operation and praying against all odds, U.K. made it out successfully. The verdict at the end of the day was the operation was successful, they’ve manage to seal back the rupture and seal everything back properly. However, the next 48 hours would be crucial for him to fight the bacterias that has invaded his body from the ruptured intestine. I pretty much took the “successful operation” part and paid no attention to the “next 48 hours would be critical”. After waiting a while more, we left the hospital thinking that the worst is over. Things always get better. Reached home past midnight and decided to go in late for work the next day.
I woke up to get ready for work the next day at about 7:45pm. Right after bathing and when I was about to get dressed, I got a sms from my mum at 8:00am – “Very difficult for U.K. to pull thru. BP 27/19”. I immediately went back to the bathroom to call my mum just to confirm. Walked out of the bathroom and all I could do was to show my wife the msg while tears stream down my eyes. I couldn’t bring myself to explain to my wife what was happening. I quickly got dressed and rushed to the hospital. Midway driving, I got another sms – “U.K. just passed away”. Needless to say, sadness gripped me and tears continually stream down. I couldn’t understand how just 12 hours ago, things were getter better and now this.
Arrived at the hospital and there U.K. was, lying peacefully on the bed without a care in the world. A sense of peace filled the room amidst the sadness. Everybody knew, he went peacefully. Tears obviously fell from the family members that were there, knowing what a great kind person was lost today.
The next few days was pretty flat until the day of the funeral. Walking towards his casket and whispering under my breath “Goodbye U.K.” was really tough to do without trying to release a tear. It was really tough saying my last goodbye and I can imagine how much more difficult it must have been for A.T. and family.
U.K. was definitely loud at times, passionately talking about things he felt strongly about – politics especially. Phrases of him saying, “This is so ridiculous”, “How can they do things like that ha”, “Wah, you change jobs, means got more money” still rings in my head. Through the deep manly voice of his was a soft, kind and humble heart that we never really knew much about. He got an award from the Sultan for some charity that I know nothing about. He was never proud of his awards or wealth but always remain quiet about his achievements. Never did he coveted for more wealth and so willingly gave to my mother (his sister) the shares that belong to my grandparents (after they passed on) just so to help them with their finances of having to pay for our college fees. Toothpicks were a must after a meal and food was always his downfall just like any mighty Yong. U.K. and A.T. were the first people to introduce me to a Japanese buffet when I first came to KL to study which ended up with me vomiting it all out the moment I got home after I totally overloaded myself with Unagis (just like the kampong boy I was – this one good… eat everything). Some of the other good times were times when U.K. had a little too much to drink. He becomes even louder, talking about everything and anything in sometimes random order. But what I love about those times was to watch him in his true self – a person who truly enjoyed life, who never really worried about life and the simple humble man he was.
Thursday could have been a much sadder day should I have decided not to visit U.K. in hospital after his operation. I was a bit hesitant at first cause U.K. and never really had one-on-one time and almost all the time I was with U.K., my mother would be around. Told my wife, “I don’t really know what to talk to him”. Nevertheless, with my wife pushing me to go and visit, we went to Assunta only to find out later he did his operation in Sunway Medical this time around. Somehow or other, I became gung-ho to go to Sunway Medical anyways despite us being late for our cell group. He was just about to fall asleep when we entered the room but U.K. being U.K. woke himself up and chatted with us for the next 30 minutes or so in the dimness of his room (we decline to on back the lights as he was going to bed). It was a moment to be treasured there where we chatted about the operation, what went wrong in Assunta, his recuperation plan etc. That was my last conversation with my uncle.
The phrase that “Life is short, treasure every moment” never really meant much to me until Thursday. Life is really short, treasure your loved ones around and work is not everything. Put work aside, take some time off work and use that time to visit your family members who are in hospital, take the time to accompany your loved ones to the hospital should they so require, make it for dinner on time with your family… you never know when it’ll be the last time for you to see them or for them to see you. Life is truly truly short. Make every moment count.
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