I just got back from Bali and it was truly an enjoyable trip. However, instead of starting off with the goods about Bali, thought I would start off by sharing about what NOT to do (hopefully can save you from some unnecessary ordeal..)
1. Never EAT seafood at JIMBARAN – SHADOW “TIOK” Technique
As much as Jimbaran offers a magnificent view of watching sunset while having dinner, it is also the one place they employ the Shadow “TIOK” technique.
At 1st the price seems pretty reasonable… but then when you receive the bill… the weight of the food seems a lot heavier… check the comparison between our seafood dinner at Jimbaran and Kuta.
Seafood at Jimbaran (“The Cuisine”) | Seafood at Kartika Plaza - Kuta (“Segara”) | ||||
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- 4 clams at “The Cuisine” weighs 400g while 12 clams at “Segara” weighs only 300g | |||||
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- 2 King Prawn at “The Cuisine” weighs 200g while 7 prawns at “Segara” weighs only 300g | |||||
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2. Visit Uluwatu Temple
If you’ve watched “Planet of the Apes” this is one place you get to experience it for real. Monkeys here are super hostile and have no qualms about grabbing things from you and to make matters worse, the population of monkeys here seems to be equal if not more than the humans. Special items on their list grab list are slippers, sun glasses, spectacles, water bottles, plastic bags holding items.
Wife was walking up the temple stairs when a fat monkey dashed at my wife feet to try to strip her of her slippers. Even when my wife screamed, the monkey was as adamant as a rock to get the slippers off my wife which it did at last… it then bit off the flower on the top of the slippers and we had to pay some guys selling monkey food IDR10k to throw some food at it to get it off the slippers.
By now, you’re pretty much freaked out at the monkeys but guess what… you have to continue walking through a battalion of monkeys all around to see the whole temple. Due to the shock and the super heighten state your mind is on to kung-fu fight any monkeys that approaches, I pretty much don’t remember anything at the temple except for the beautiful scenery overlooking the ocean. It doesn’t help too when you constantly hear ppl screaming when attacked by the monkeys. What was in the temple…? I seriously don’t remember. There was an hour left to spare before the famous Kechak dance was to start but we decided to just leave just in case a war between human and apes really did happen.
The problem with the monkeys are they are regarded as sacred animals to the temple… some sorta guardian to the temple.. so…
- If you’re a Chinese, you can’t crack open their skulls, pour alcohol into it and devour their divine brains.
- If you’re an animal control dude, you can’t shoot them to reduce their population.
- If you’re a caretaker of Penang Botanical Garden, you can’t chase them away.
- If you’re orang asli, you can’t sumpit them and have them for dinner.
- If you’re Paris Hilton, you can’t skin them off their fur and make a fur coat outta it... though this would be the one time I’ll support the fur industry.
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3. Walk to the end of Kintamani Volcano/Lake Batur viewing area
Demons exist here. From the moment we arrive (which was at the end of Kintamani viewing area as they have the best view here), while we were changing Athalie’s diapers, a demon lady was pestering us to buy t-shirts from her… “3 t-shirts for 50… 3 t-shirts for 50… 3 t-shirts for 50… please help me… please help me… “ she seemed nice (always remember, demons are always deceitful) and after following us for about 5 minutes, I agreed to buy from her when we’re done sightseeing (I was feeling very generous that time… thought I would do some charity to absolve me of some of my sins).
When we continued toward the end, more and more demons just started to appear… each one blocking your path, pestering you to buy their t-shirts, their Harley Davidson models, their key chains, their hair clips, their arts, their children, their grannys, their dogs… and these demons don’t just disappear when you tell them “No thank you” (or when you do a Hail Mary)… they keep stalking you and stalking you and stalking you and would go into a trance like intra-bargaining mode (bargain with oneself…. Ie. 1st they’ll tell you 3 for 50… then u keep walking.. they tell u… 4 for 50… u keep walking… 5 for 50… u keep walking… 6 for 50…. u keep walking 7 for 50… u keep walking… FREE!!!!)
The highlight of the trip was when we returned to the “3 t-shirts for 50” demon lady. After picking about 3 t-shirts, I paid her IDR 100k… hoping to receive a change of IDR50k when she said, “Another IDR30k… It’s RINGGIT 50”… We went BERSERK!!! WTH!!! RM50 for 3 super thin see-through t-shirts that you would probably only want to see Pamela Anderson wearing while walking out of the pool!!! We insisted to have our full amount returned or IDR 50k. Demon lady tried to hanky panky and tried to 1st return IDR20k.. IDR30k… that’s when my wife threw a hail Mary, washed her in holy water, nailed a cross on her forehead, shot her with silver bullets and strangle her with a chain of garlic before she relented and returned IDR50k. I have never seen my wife get so mad… was quite the experience…
In conclusion… if you really have to visit the places, just do the following:
1. Jimbaran - just go to any restaurant, picked the best seat (closes) to the beach, order plain water and buy corn from the vendor and enjoy the sunset. Forget about the seafood.
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2. Uluwatu Temple – be dressed accordingly.
3. Kintamani Volcano/Lake Batur viewing area – make sure you bring along the necessities
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